So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
