They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
