it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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