apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
