so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
