You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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