u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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