after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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