Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
