So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
