worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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