i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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