he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
