what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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