thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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