I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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