im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
