YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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