I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
