I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
