You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
