1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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