Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
