I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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