well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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