She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize