the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
