I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
