Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize