Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
