The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
