i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
