a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
