The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
