in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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