In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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