I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
