she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
