There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
