If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
