she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
