I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
