i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
