my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
