White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
