this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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