A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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