I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
