WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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