I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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