my phone cant type all the emotion im having
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
