I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
