So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
