THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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