I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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