he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
