There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
