Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Couch. On fire.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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