I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
