If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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