her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
