i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
