Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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