im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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