You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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