i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
