i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
