nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
