Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
