You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
