Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
